dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
