i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She said her name was "party"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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