Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
