at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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