why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize