She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
