the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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