i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
