PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
