Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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