The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
