he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
