wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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