I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
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Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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