I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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