take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
