Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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