I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
