she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just fell off a train. Bad.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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