you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
