she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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