Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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