ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
