spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
