Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
