she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
