So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
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He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
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I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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