Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
