C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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