i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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