i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
