Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I pour the whiskey from now on
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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