Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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