I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
