Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
