i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
