only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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