You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
