Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
