Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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