He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
