rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
