bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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