Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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