i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
