brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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