I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
