i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
