Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
