This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
