I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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