sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
