you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
