Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just want nice things and good sex
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
