whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
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1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
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Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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