I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
