so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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