I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
