mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
