So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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