OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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