Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
