i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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