Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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