he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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