And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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