we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
