forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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